Health Will Always Win

I like to consider myself a studious person. I have high hopes for myself as I always try to be the best at what I do. So much so, that if it doesn't work out (if I'm not the best at something at first), I really will try and try again.

Recently, I gathered enough support to pursue a lifelong dream of mine- to study at a higher level. I was ecstatic however, something felt completely wrong. I found myself lazying around and procrastinating time and time again. Why was I doing this? What was wrong with me?

Just a backstory so you are all aware of some of the things that have occured to me during the time of #covid19 was not actually getting the virus, but feeling very very affected whenever I hear about any death related to the covid. I don't like hearing about any death let alone a child who died because of it. My entire body shuts down, my mind goes into a dark cave like lair with the most negative yet empathetic thoughts. So you can imagine, how can some empathetic girl like me study with ease and rise to the top of her class or even pass with all of these thoughts in her head?

Do I just need to push myself to focus or should I grow up?

Later on I asked a psychiatrist if this was normal behavior or if something was wrong with me and what medicines I need to take if something is wrong? She said, no need for any medications. This behavior is completely normal because all of this is driven by my anxiety.

So I believe any person's health at this point in particular is much more important right now than any higher education degree.